When I tell you these 5 things I wish I knew in my first year of motherhood, you may think to yourself, why didn’t anyone ever tell me. When it comes down to it, I think us mamas really don’t talk about the ins and outs of motherhood deeply for multiple reasons, but I think mainly because we don’t want to discourage others or come off like we are complaining but I’m going to share these 5 things I wish I knew in my first year of motherhood to help mentally prepare you, not scare you.
1.) Unmet needs
Let’s be honest, when I became a mom for the first time; I was over the moon about this little life I got to bring into the world. I just wasn’t prepared to help those around me, understand what I needed. There were many times when my husband or my mom would offer me some thing they thought I needed but I felt I didn’t. After birth, there is a rollercoaster of emotions (whether they be positive, negative or neutral), your hormones can be out of balance and the mental load of your new responsibility as a mama plays a big part. The simple offer of someone watching my baby for me so I could go get fresh air, would send me through the roof in frustration because I didn’t feel I needed fresh air, what I felt I needed was increased milk supply to help my baby sleep longer and to give me peace of mind. I eventually learned to combat the feeling of unmet needs and expectations by keeping a journal by the bedside, where I would just dump my thoughts. I would write down what was overwhelming me, what good happened throughout my day and ask myself, if I could change anything what would that be? Then I would ask myself is this something I need to do or can I delegate it to someone else. Which leads me to number 2.
2.) Releasing Control
If I can admit to one thing its that, I am a recovering control freak! Am I alone? I’m the person that would rather do it themselves and know its right; then to give it over to someone else and risk it getting done incorrectly. If I’m being completely transparent, sometimes its not just the risk of a task being done incorrectly its the idea of having to give detailed instructions or even worse the thought of having to repeat those instructions multiple times. Ugh, just thinking about it now makes me irritated haha. Despite the overwhelming thought of all these potential issues, we have to begin releasing some control. Not all control but some. My best advice is to start with that load of laundry, let someone else come fold it. That curbside order let someone else go pick it up, you place it they pick it up. Dinner, let someone you trust deliver a home-cooked meal to you or provide you one from your favorite restaurant. These things seem so small but can be extremely beneficial to you in your first year of motherhood. And to the moms of multiples, invite a friend over to help organize that playroom. The focus of releasing control in the first year of motherhood is to free up time for not only baby and your Signifigant other but also to give you the ability to not feel the need to complete a chore in the short period of time your have for yourself.
3.) Illness & Doctors appointments
I had a friend tell me this before I had kids, ” There is no worry like a mother’s worry”. That my friends is the absolute truth, my prayer for you is that God gives you peace beyond understanding that instead of having a spirit of fear you have power, love and self-control. The most overwhelmed I’ve felt in motherhood has been when my babies have been sick, the unknown can cause the mind to spiral into a dark place, please don’t let it. From coughs, colds, fevers and ear infections and more, it can be really hard to feel like a good mom. If you love your little one(s), show up for them the best you can everyday and are intentional about taking care of them and keeping them safe, you are a Good mom. Say this out loud with me ” I am a GOOD mom” now say it two more times “I am a GOOD mom”, “I am a GOOD mom”.First things first, make sure you have a pediatrician who you LOVE, not like, I’m serious. You want to make sure you feel safe and judgment free, you also want to make sure that you both have a mutual level of respect for the role you each play. You should respect that your child’s doctor is there to inform you of what they have knowledge in and trust their medical background and moral compass. Your child’s doctor should also respect, you as the parent. You have to be comfortable and confident in each choice made for your child. YOU make the final decisions. Another thing is don’t let fear of judgement keep you from making a doctors appointment for your little one, my thoughts are its better to be safe than sorry. There have been a few times more recently that I’ve made 2-3 appointments for the same kid in the same month. You may say thats not alot, but for me it is and I don’t want to waste my doctors time or mine but I felt unsure about things going on with one of my kids and as each week passed I needed to make sure things we’re progressing instead of degressing. I’m not saying go to the doctor every week, because from my understanding that’s not normal BUT if you feel something isn’t right check with someone who has knowledge and education to help you understand better and give you peace of mind.
4.) Sleep & Exhaustion
I am no expert on this topic, I can only speak from personal experience here. The first year was ROUGH, the first 6 months were probably the worst though. I say that’s why the First Birthday is not just for baby but really for the parents, it’s a celebration of your little one’s first year of life and milestones you both have overcome. For us our little ones didn’t begin to sleep fully through the night until at or around 1 year of age. If you are blessed to have a partner who is willing and able to help with night feedings/wakings, be grateful as you both can figure out a schedule on how to switch off. For example, will you need to pump to make sure baby has enough milk while you get in extra sleep, or will your partner be on cleaning/sterilizing bottles after formula feeding so you can stay in bed and burp baby. If you won’t have help in the night, GOD BLESS you…another friend said it best ” The nights are long, but the days are short”, YOU GOT THIS MAMA! Keep your head up as night shift can be exhausting but the quality bonding time is beautiful. The reality is there isn’t much I could do about getting the sleep I needed in the early stage besides sleeping when baby slept and increasing the quality of my sleep by taking magnesium. I am not a medical provider so always check with doctor or Physchian to see if this is safe for you to take at all or while breastfeeding. Magnesium personally helped me to get quality sleep when I slept, while also making me feel more energized upon waking. I have linked the magnesium I used which is naturally sweetened with Monk Fruit. This link will give you $20 off your order. https://moonjuice.mention-me.com/m/ol/ag1zo-faith-ortiz
5.) Losing Yourself to Find Yourself
As I’m writing this, I’m currently in the process of finding out who “Faith the Mama” is herself. I will say this a million times, motherhood is the most exhausting yet the most rewarding gift. In the first year of motherhood, I honestly felt a plethora of emotions that shifted based off of how much my baby cried. Seems like a ridiculous scale of figuring out how I felt emotionally but HEY! its the truth. In reality, a Mother’s brain is triggered to react and show care each time baby cries. The Times has a great article that goes in depth about the association of the mother’s brain and baby’s cries https://time.com/4992130/motherhood-crying-babies/. But back to my point, in my personal experience when my little one was at the non-verbal age, where they couldn’t tell me what was going on, what felt like long periods of crying or tears would overwhelm me. I often felt like a failure if I couldn’t quickly console my baby by feeding, rocking or frankly just by my presence. I also became super on edge about meeting every possible need for my little one that I slowly started to neglect my needs, starting with my need to eat a nutrient dense meal, to my self-care such as skin care and taking a moment to slow down and see what I needed. Two and a little over a half years later into the Hood of Mothering (haha see what I did there). I’ve finally come to realize that although my youngest isn’t fully verbal, her cries and needs aren’t a reflection of me as a mother and I need not neglect myself to overwhelm my mind with negative thoughts about if I’m a good mother. But I need to find out who I am as a mother, still worthy of loving myself and prioritizing myself to show up better for my little ones. Literally losing who you were before motherhood through schedule changes, demands of baby’s needs and so much more, then getting to a place to figure out how to make your world work with your new title and gift of motherhood. Maybe you haven’t lost yourself, maybe you won’t lose yourself but if you have or do, know you WILL find yourself again just the “Mom version of you.”
