Burnout: When going above and beyond feels exhausting. Have you ever found yourself frustrated with your children because of all the things you do for them. I’m not talking about the basic things like providing food, shelter and clothes but when you take time to go above and beyond for them. I’ve recently had to ask myself, how much of this are they demanding from me and how much of this am I freely giving. The truth is, almost one hundred percent of the time. It’s me just freely giving being the cause of my burn out. Are you the same? If so, keep reading so we can deep dive on how to cope with these feelings and overcome the feeling of exhaustion.
STORY TIME
This week I found myself at my wit’s end with my toddlers, I felt overworked, unappreciated and exhausted. I first felt overworked after “slaving” in the kitchen for an hour making “cheez it’s” from scratch. You may laugh and say who do you think you are? Nara Smith? Lol. I saw a recipe, it looked simple and easy. I thought to myself how my children deserve the very best, so I NEEDED to make them cheez it’s for their afternoon snack. As I worked diligently to roll out the dough my children kept asking me to play with them. I found myself overwhelmed with frustration and a bit of irritation because, duh! I was doing this for them. Couldn’t they see, I cared so much about them that I was making one of America’s favorite snacks for them FROM SCRATCH! Nope, they could care less. Full-transparency, after I finished baking them, my oldest told me she didn’t like them.
REALITY CHECK
Our kids tend to be the ones who are best at bringing us back to reality. Giving us the reality check we need. I worked diligently to make something special for my children all for one of them to look at me, dissatisfied. My first thought was, how ungrateful? Then I realized. I set myself up for this. Saw something (a recipe) and thought, my kids would love this, and it wasn’t well received. I made that decision on my own, they didn’t ask for it. I just took it upon myself to do the extra, go above and beyond, yet I’m the one sitting here feeling burnt out.
COPING
I’ve come to the realization that when coping with feelings of burnout we have to first recognize, is it truly “them” or us? Am I the source of my exhaustion or are my children’s demands, the tasks or all the responsibilities the source. Truth be told, it’s often myself and my poor time management. How about you?
When you realize the true source of your burn out that feels like exhaustion you can better access the true cause of it. For example from the story above the true source of exhaustion is ME. Why? Because of the things I think I need to do. I think often many mothers feel this. We stack more and more onto our plates in hopes of being the very best moms. I’d like to stop right here for a second and acknowledge that if you want to be a good mom, I KNOW you are a good mom!
Here are a few ways to recenter yourself when you feel burned out from going above and beyond.
1.)Write down what a good mom is, to you!
Writing down what YOU think a good mom is, helps you to understand why you feel the way you feel. Often you may find yourself trying to live up to an expectation that wasn’t met for you as a child. Or sometimes we are trying to live up to what social media tells us a “good mother” is. Grab a notebook, or type in your phone’s notes section what being a good mother is to YOU. Most often we realize we have let outside factors dictate our expectations of ourselves, when we sit alone with our thoughts.
2.) Ask yourself if those expectations are realistic?
This is a significant question because, if the answer to number one is based on childhood trauma or social media. We have some reevaluating to do. But if based on our own bias and inclinations then we still need to ask ourselves. Is this realistic currently? Truth be told I would love to be the scratch making cheez it mom, but the reality is it currently doesn’t fit into my current lifestyle and schedule with my children. Maybe when they hit school age. So for you, are your expectations of yourself realistic or do they need to be restructured or adjusted to fit what your life looks like currently?
3.) Ask yourself what your children ask of you most often.
Typically no one is as hard on you as yourself. Our children don’t want much from us, especially in the early years under the age of five. They usually want conversation, time and attention.Even in the story that I shared above my children DID ask me to play with them while I was in the middle of making them their afternoon snack. Sometimes we want to give them the world, and in doing so we neglect what they are really requesting from us to provide the things we “think” they really want. But as a mom, I have to say as much as I want to be heard, sometimes I have a hard time listening. Listening to what’s really being requested of me. Do you know what your child or children are requesting from you?
4.) Re-adjust
It’s never too late to make a change. Re-adjust based on the answers to the questions above.When we sum up the answers to one through three, we might find that our burnout is partially because we have a lot on our plate but also because we add a bunch to it,too. Burnout is real, exhaustion is real. Adding pressure to ourselves to be the mother we think we should is real too. But we must sift through what is necessary and what we have placed on our shoulders. Then we are able to recreate a system or schedule that allows us to be what we need to our children without overwhelming ourselves.
You have just read about BURN OUT: When going above and beyond feels exhausting. I hope this helps you to shift perspective, find joy in the things that matter and let go of the expectations and requirements that don’t!
Virtual Hugs,
Xx Classically Faith xX
P.S. If you do have the time this Cheez it recipe was delicious to my youngest, myself and husband so if you want to make them here is the RECIPE
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