Today I’m going to tell you how to prioritize yourself when you have young children. It is too easy to neglect yourself, so let’s talk about how to be intentional about it.
Relatable Story
Last night I took my first bubble bath in over a year, I normally shower but never take the time to actually sit in a bath tub. Well yesterday I stepped into a perfectly warmed epsom salt bubble bath, in hopes of relieving some muscle soreness and relaxing! While listening to one of my favorite youtube videos by Janet Ndomahani. Once I’m fully seated and begin to lean my head back, I hear the cries of my children! Now, mind you my husband is home, readily and happily available to help them with their every need. But the thought of me being locked in the bathroom without them was unfathomable.
The screaming and crying lasted for a good 5 min when my husband knocks on the door, and asks me ” Can I just show the girls what you are doing, so they will calm down?”. I say, “sure”. I’d like to tell you the tears ceased and the screams were silenced but, that wasn’t the case. I explained to them that I was just relaxing and would be out shortly, they left still overwhelmed by my decision to do anything without them.
I tried to continue my bath for the next ten to fifteen minutes but despite one of my children stopping crying. The cries of the other one made me feel rushed, so I let the water out, wrapped myself in a towel and opened the bathroom door. And this is what I said, “Girls, I apologize, Mommy has done you a disservice, I don’t take enough time for myself, at home with you around. I am now going to be more intentional about taking baths, or having alone time at home so that you can get used to it.”
Life Lesson
My response might come as a shock, but in that moment, I realized that when I don’t focus on prioritizing myself with young children. Those young children will grow up and neglect themselves when they have their own. It’s crazy to think that the patterns we set now shape our children’s futures, but they do. So here are 3 ways I will be prioritizing taking care of myself while having young children!
1.) Start Small
Start by requesting one minute of uninterrupted time from your children. This is in regards to children who are at the age where they understand when you say things like “wait, one minute or in a little bit.” My children hear “wait” pretty often, they have come to learn that wait doesn’t mean no, but it does mean not now, hold on. I’ve taught them this with many things but neglected to be intentional about teaching them this in regards to me. If I can teach my children to allow Mama to have one minute to herself, I can eventually teach them it’s okay to have five, or ten minutes to ones self also.
2.) Do it more often
Like I said, I realized that taking time for myself while at home, is foreign to my children. In their mind I locked myself in the bathroom and am ignoring them. The more often I take time to step away and relax the more familiar they will be with it and become accustomed to the reality that, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. They will also begin to see the importance it plays in their lives as well one day.
The reality is that what we prioritize our children see, what we neglect they see. So we have to decided what do we want to be the “norm” for our children. I want the norm to be that “when mommy steps away, it’s not because of a lack of love, it’s out of love…for herself and for us”. You can’t fill your loved ones cups if yours empty. So sis…Take the Bubble Bath!
3.) Respect Boundaries
Be prepared to respect the boundaries that you set. In our home, we love on our children with snuggles, hugs and kisses. But we’ve been intentional to let them know, if they don’t want any of that affection, they are not required to give it or receive it. The boundary with taking a moment for yourself is no different.
There are times my girls are playing and laughing together, then all of the sudden one goes and lays down on the couch or in their room to have some “quiet time”. As much as I want my “quiet time” or alone time, I need to respect when they are requesting it also. I have often found that I want to be all in there face when they have quietly stepped away but I too must remember, we all recharge differently. They mimic so much about us, even our respect for boundaries or lack of them.
I hope this read helps to encourage you to take that bubble bath, sit in the corner and read your book. But most of all to set your children up for success to value the importance of Mama prioritizing her needs, even when they are home.
Have a minute or two,
xx Classically Faith xx
